When arguing, stick to the issue at hand and keep the focus on the two of you. Introducing nasty comparisons to your in-laws is unfair and ultimately a diversion from your problems, said Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a marriage and family therapist and the author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.
婚姻與家庭咨詢師、《幸福婚姻指南》的作者莎倫·吉爾克里斯特·奧尼爾說，吵架的時候，要專注于眼前問題，把焦點放在你們兩個人身上。把對方父母牽扯進來進行比較的做法非常可惡，不公平，最終也偏離了你們本身的問題。

“Mentioning parents can easily become mean-spirited attacks that interfere with the couple's ability to address the underlying issues,” she told HuffPost.
她對《赫芬頓郵報》說：“提及父母就很有可能變成刻薄的攻擊，影響雙方解決眼前問題的能力?！?/p>

3. “You think you're better than everyone else!”
“你是不是覺得自己很了不起！”

Never put words in your partner's mouth or in this case, thoughts in their head. There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling or thinking, so keep the assumptions to yourself, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist in Little Rock, Arkansas.
來自阿肯色州小巖城的婚姻與家庭咨詢師貝基·惠茨通說，永遠不要對伴侶說這句話，或者，即使這樣說了，也不要讓他們認為你真這么想。了解他人的情緒或想法是不可能的，所以這樣的假設(shè)留給你自己就好。

“These statements are aggravating because your spouse knows that what you're accusing them of is not true,” she said. “What you're saying suggests you don't think very highly of your S.O. It's a double dose of pain in one sentence.”
她說：“這樣的話容易激化矛盾，因為對方認為你的指責(zé)不實。并且，你說的話表明你對對方的評價不高。所以，這句話包含了雙重傷害?！?/p>

4. “Do I look like I've put on weight?”
“我是不是胖了？”

“What you really mean by asking this is, 'I know I've put on weight. I'm unhappy about how I look and I need you to say that you're OK with my current state.'” she said. “These types of questions are all about side-stepping personal responsibility, plus they force your partner into an enabling role,” said Robyn Wahlgast, a dating and relationship coach for women.
“你問這句話的真正意思是'我知道我體重增加了，我不滿意我的樣子，我需要你說你對我的現(xiàn)狀很滿意'?；卮疬@些問題都不是必要的個人責(zé)任，而且這種問題相當于在逼迫伴侶去發(fā)揮激勵你的作用，”女性約會和戀愛輔導(dǎo)師蘿賓·沃爾葛斯特如是說。

5. “Have you put on a few pounds?”
“你是不是胖了？”

Blunt, negative remarks to your spouse about his or her appearance are also out of line.
直白、消極地評論配偶的外貌也越過了紅線。

“Unconstructive criticism of physical appearance is as bad as it gets,” Whetstone said. “It's painful because you're suggesting that your partner isn't good enough or that they're less than or defective.”
“毫無助益地批評外貌，要多糟有多糟，”惠茨通說。“這樣很傷人，因為你在暗示你的伴侶不夠好、差那么一點、有缺陷?！?/p>

6. “You're a horrible parent, breadwinner, lover...”
“你是個糟糕的家長/當家的/愛人……”

Put-downs centered around your spouse's family or occupational roles are particularly cruel, said M. Gary Neuman, a psychotherapist based in Miami Beach, Florida.
貶低你配偶的家庭或職業(yè)角色非常殘忍，弗羅里達邁阿密灘市心理治療師M·加里·諾依曼說。

“Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating,” he said. “These roles are so important and tender. When they're questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this.”
他說：“消極評價個人身份的結(jié)果是毀滅性的。我們的角色重要又脆弱，它們一旦被質(zhì)疑，我們就感覺完全崩潰了。我們也很難忘掉這樣的話。”

7. “Ugh, I hate when you do that.” (Said in front of friends or family.)
（當著朋友或家人的面說）“呃，我討厭你那么做?！?/font>