2007-09-21 08:09
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous snakes?" The other replied, "You're darn right we're poisonous! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue."
2007-09-20 08:14
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
2007-09-19 08:16
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
2007-09-18 19:27
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
2007-09-17 08:12
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
2007-09-14 16:03
A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!
2007-09-13 09:14
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
2007-09-12 09:02
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.
2007-09-10 08:26
There was a 75-year-old multi-millionaire who had just married a beautiful 18-year-old blond girl. So his friends asked him, "How did you manage to get an 18-year-old girl to marry you, when you're 75?"
2007-09-07 09:04
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
2007-09-06 08:08
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
2007-08-22 07:56
Father: You know, Tom, when Lincoln was your age, he was a very good pupil. In fact, he was the best pupil in his class. Tom: Yes, Father. I know that. But when he was your age, he was President of the United States.
2007-08-21 08:01
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interesting in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?"
2007-08-20 08:00
Father: I promised to buy you a car if you passed your examination, and you have failed. What were you doing last term? Son: I was learning to drive a car.
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